Elevator Conversations: Pi Day
I step onto the elevator next to a Sr Manager from the IT department. He’s got two pies in his hand.
Him: Hi, Joe!
Me: Hey … Those look good. You guys having a party or something?
Him: Yeah. It’s Pi day. P..I…Like the math symbol. Get it?
Me: Oh, I get it. The only problem is today is March 12. Pi day is March 14.
Him: No…Pi stands for 3.12159.
Me: …Um…No it doesn’t.
Him: I’m pretty sure it does. Why don’t you go look it up (his tone implying that the next, unspoken word, would have been “idiot.”)
Me:…Okay, then.
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Elevator Conversations: Mistaken Identity
Standing on the top floor. Waiting for the elevator. A woman leans over. “I love your work,” she says.
“Excuse me?”
“My kids think you’re hilarious.”
“…Huh?”
“You’re Will Sasso, the comedian, right?”
“No, m’am. My names’s Joe.”
She smiles, knowingly. “Uh huh.”
“I’m just a programmer!”
“Right. Sure.” She pulls out a piece of paper and a pen, handing it to me.
“Can you sign this for my kids?”
“Uh …. Sure.”
So I signed it “Thanks for your support,” and I put ironic quotation marks around “Joe Shaw”
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Elevator Conversations: The Isle Of Man
Guy #1: How’d your date go?
Guy #2: Terrible.
Guy #1: What happened?
Guy #2: She said she was from “The Isle of Man.” I was all like, “I’m not into dudes, okay” and left.
Guy #1: … You know the Isle of Man is a real place, right?
Guy #2: … What?
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Elevator Conversations: Bad Santa
Riding the elevator at work. It stops. An apparently angry man walks in.
Me: …You alright, man?
Him: … (bleep)ing Santa Claus. I hate that (bleep)er.
He turns to me
Him: You know?
Me: … Uh yeah, dude. (Bleep) that guy.
Him: Damn right!
We get to the first floor and he storms off.
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Elevator Conversations: The Karate Kid
Overheard tail end of a conversation about a co-worker that is apparently pissing them off…
Guy #1: Can you believe that guy?
Guy #2: I know, right?
Guy #1: What should we do?
Guy #1: Sweep the leg.
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Elevator Conversations: Superheroes
Me: I’m so stuffed up, I sound like Bane from The Dark Knight Rises.
Other Dude: Ha! I sound like The Joker!
Large, Muscular Man with a deep voice: I sound like Catwoman (he looks at both of us, expressionless) … Meow.
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Elevator Conversations: Eye Bleach
That awkward moment in the elevator when you realize the man standing next to you in an expensive, three-piece suit is the same guy you saw running on the trails next to your office building only an hour ago; only then, he wore just a Spedo.
A white Spedo.
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Elevator Conversations: Charity
Guy#1: So I leave my house to take the dog for a walk last night, and my wife dumps a bucket of ice water on my head. Then she ran away.
GUY#2: AWESOME!
GUY#1: WTF was that about?
GUY#2: It’s to support ACLs or something.
GUY#1: What’s an ACL?
GUY#2: Its a sports thing.
GUY#1: Oh. That makes sense now. I should probably call my wife an apologize for yelling. I didn’t know she liked sports so much.
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Elevator Conversations: The Proper Motivation
Two men in expensive suits walk into an elevator. One grips a wood-handled umbrella like a cudgel.
Man #1: Dude, what’s that for?
Man #2: The meeting this afternoon. This will stop the screaming.
Man #1: WHAT! Who’s gonna be screaming!?!?
Man #2: Not me….Definitely not me.
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