I stood next to the elevator, holding my hat in one hand; my cell phone in the other. A lady approaches, pushes the button. She sees my hat and her eyes go wide. Lady: We’re not supposed to wear hats Me: It’s okay. I’m not wearing it. Lady: We’re not supposed to wear hats! Me: […]
Two men standing in an elevator. One has a large bruise on his forehead. Man #1: Dude. What happened to your face? Man #2: Oh nothing. I just fell asleep in the shower and knocked my head against the faucet. Man #1: Wow. I bet that woke you up.pretty quick, huh? Man #2: No. I […]
Person #1: I feel hungry. Person #2: Hunger’s not an emotion. Person #3: It is today. #ElevatorConversations
I have a lot of good Reds memories. Most of us do, I guess. I remember sitting on the floor in my living room, watching Eric Show give up THE HIT to Pete Rose. The REAL hit came a few days earlier in Chicago, but nobody knew it then and we celebrated like we’d won […]
Person #1: Did you hear what Beyoncé said about Donald Trump? Person #2: Celebrity gossip is like Sports. Or the weather. Cheap Elmer’s Glue for people who can’t figure out another way to bond. Person #1: Alright. Fine. Damn.
Ever since we started this most recent rebuild, the Reds have told us to BE CALM and DON’T WORRY, because (and repeat this with me now) “There is a plan.” This plan allegedly includes graphs and charts and other implements of destruction printed up on glossy paper in an official binder somewhere in Great American […]
Kids: Daddy, what’s “Middle Aged?” Me: The point in life where regret overtakes hope. #ElevatorConversations